Jesus what a fukn dump.

Shut up dude. Clipper will hear you.

Fuk clipper! Dumb dog.

Hey man, that’s not cool.

Ah, you know I’m just joking, but for real, this place is so… blue.

What the fuk’s wrong with blue?

Ah, I don’t know, it’s alright, I’m just more comfortable under that crip banner that tone-dogger made for us, I guess. I ain’t hating clipper, ferreal.

So whut the fuk is up with blogspot and ultrabs? It’s like, a conspiracy.

Yeah, you’d think three fukbags that say fuk blogger all the time would be tops on their list of sites to fix up, especially seeing as we don’t pay jack shit and are internet leeches basically.

Shut the fuk up, can’t we get through one fukn post over here without bitching about bloogle?

No. sorry, I ain’t going out like that. No sell-out. If I want to bitch about the jerk store for like 10 hours and no one ever reads it and 2 fukn people show up over a period of 20 years that’s fukn fine. Veni vidi vici.

Ah, fuk ja rule. LizAME. Ya know, even though it’s a pac bite, I dig that new eminem/50/busta joint. It’s got flavah. I ain’t sayin the real keith would like it, but I do.

Whut? Yer not the real keith?

Oh and you’re the real pennyworth?

Hellz yeah.

Bullshit, the real pennyworth lives in the batcave. You live up the street from the ocean with Mrs. P. The real p-worth cleans fukn giant dinosaur statues and changes the oil on the batmobile. You fukn chillski like jim obekowski and eat cabbage with locals. Fukn sellout.

Oh don’t even start with that shit.

Hey c’mon guys.

Oh fuk off mr. Minister of information.

Whatever.

Yeah whatever.

And whut’s up with like no google pics working on blogger anymore, while I’m bitching.

I told you, dude, stop it.

Fuk you. it pisses me off, too, cuz I know we’re gonna send carlton to go jack images and he’s gonna get jackbacked like hi-c and tony a. that shit’s skanless.

ya know, you're agreeing with me on this, but you’re still a fukn moron.

Hey at least I’m not some poser ass batman butler.

At least I’m not some fake ass rapper that couldn’t lace a rhyme to save his fukn grandpa’s marble collection.

Yeah good comeback dude.

did I mention that the jerk store called? Yeah, they’re running out of you.

ah, how many times can I get a chuckle out of that old seinfeld line? The answer: infinity squared. You know the one. George is eating a shitload of shrimp and the guy says “oh george, the ocean called, and they’re running out of shrimp,” so George gets all pumped up and pissed but revved up to like deliver the ever famous jerk store come back which you can see above in somewhat distorted context and form.

FUCK. I think I’ve realized why this blog sucks so much. It’s because I only write here when ultrabs is fucked up. It’s like, hmmm, I wonder why 85 billion people haven’t showed up to hang out, um, let me see, could it be, that it fukn SUCKS? hmmm, nah that couldn’t be it, it must be the color, if I could just get this thing to come out in some kind of fluorescent green like the wkenshow, then we’d have a hit! A hit I tell you! get my producers on the phone.

“Charlie? Yeah this is Eduardo down at the skunk works. Yeah we need clipper changed from blue to fluorescent green, asap, you know, like the wken guy, and we need lots of naked bitches, and, um, some lions, and some uzis, and a circus ringmaster guy, you know, like that archvillain with the hypnotizing hat from the old comic books, yeah that guy, yeah, so can you do it?

oh fuck you then Charlie, well just live with it like this then

oh and the fukn jerk store called, and they’re running out of you, so THERE.”

Joe Johnson just showed up and I thought he had to take his dog for an enema today. And plus the other day he didn’t even have a veterinarian appointment & then he doesn’t come in. whut the fuk? Ah I should mind my own fukn business. You know whut, though, fuk that, cuz when he came in he looked at me and didn’t give me the head nod. Sheeeiiitt. Whut, you’re too good for the fukn head nod up in this bitch? Plus this guy’s fukn clueless as a fukn dumb ho in preschool that ain’t even figured out the crayon sharpener on the back of the big crayola box yet. It’s like that and that’s the way it is.

So of course now that I’ve traffic whored myself out and hits are up over at ultrabs the other shoe drops and the page seems all fucked up. Fuk it. that’s why I have you my little clipper dog. Yes you are for the leftovers and the hand-me-downs. If you don’t like it then no more milk bones for you. not that you get any anyway. Just so you know people, below where it says milkbone is where you can click on it and comment on what I am saying. And I know you have a lot to say about it, because it’s relevance cannot be denied, unless your asshat sandwich is not applicable to a rhesus monkey. Asshat. Been seeing that word all over the internet the last couple days. Ok not ALL over, but a few places. I would link them but I don’t wanna be accused of furthering my reputation as a traffic whore. Hmmmm, for someone that theoretically can handle criticism from braindead $400 dollar donating kookenheimers I seem just a little sensitive, yes? Well that is my prerogative even if my name isn’t bobby brown and no I ain’t hump’n around, but I do drink sisco. Ok no I don’t, but I have before.

So the jerk store called, and they said they’re all out of you. the problem with this is that I heard that I was their best seller. Wait. Ok, no, this is it. the ocean called, and they’re running out of shrimp. Well the jerk store called, and… fuk.

Fukn freight is expensive and fuks shit up like lining my pockets with extra scrilla. But hey Aristotle said, bitches be hoes and hoes be garden tools, so I gots to follow that kine wisdom and roll with those punches.

Buddha seems like a much more interesting person to center a religion around than jesus. No I don’t have any backup for that lofty claim except that he’s fat and has low hanging ears from hanging too much jewelry in those mofos and plus he was like “be mellow” which is much more therapeutic in my mind at least to “follow me or you will burn in hell.” Although I don’t think jesus necessarily said that, I think it’s more these kookenheimers that are quite zealous about telling you about him, like those guys with their guitar and sign saying “if the world ended tonite would you go to heaven?” standing outside DFS in Waikiki when I’m just trying to look at the fishies and mini sharks and tourists and the bedlam and not trying to wonder if I’m going to hell or heaven or whut. But sheeeiiittt, if I’m going to hell just gimme a fukn bottle of sun tan lotion and a fukn fan or some shit and like some sunglasses and I’ll be straight. And if Lucifer tries to take that shit away and make me work in the slag mines or whatever the fuk you do, I’ll be like hell no, torture my ass, go for it punk, I’ll be like, starting a union in that bitch, drive satan out, and take over lock stock and barrel & be like the new jimmy Hoffa in hades. And if jimmy Hoffa, the real one, is down there too, I’ll make him my second in charge. He’ll be the one that will take over on those days where I’m feeling sick or if I have jury duty or some shit like that.