Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Joe Johnson just showed up and I thought he had to take his dog for an enema today. And plus the other day he didn’t even have a veterinarian appointment & then he doesn’t come in. whut the fuk? Ah I should mind my own fukn business. You know whut, though, fuk that, cuz when he came in he looked at me and didn’t give me the head nod. Sheeeiiitt. Whut, you’re too good for the fukn head nod up in this bitch? Plus this guy’s fukn clueless as a fukn dumb ho in preschool that ain’t even figured out the crayon sharpener on the back of the big crayola box yet. It’s like that and that’s the way it is.

So of course now that I’ve traffic whored myself out and hits are up over at ultrabs the other shoe drops and the page seems all fucked up. Fuk it. that’s why I have you my little clipper dog. Yes you are for the leftovers and the hand-me-downs. If you don’t like it then no more milk bones for you. not that you get any anyway. Just so you know people, below where it says milkbone is where you can click on it and comment on what I am saying. And I know you have a lot to say about it, because it’s relevance cannot be denied, unless your asshat sandwich is not applicable to a rhesus monkey. Asshat. Been seeing that word all over the internet the last couple days. Ok not ALL over, but a few places. I would link them but I don’t wanna be accused of furthering my reputation as a traffic whore. Hmmmm, for someone that theoretically can handle criticism from braindead $400 dollar donating kookenheimers I seem just a little sensitive, yes? Well that is my prerogative even if my name isn’t bobby brown and no I ain’t hump’n around, but I do drink sisco. Ok no I don’t, but I have before.

So the jerk store called, and they said they’re all out of you. the problem with this is that I heard that I was their best seller. Wait. Ok, no, this is it. the ocean called, and they’re running out of shrimp. Well the jerk store called, and… fuk.

Fukn freight is expensive and fuks shit up like lining my pockets with extra scrilla. But hey Aristotle said, bitches be hoes and hoes be garden tools, so I gots to follow that kine wisdom and roll with those punches.

Buddha seems like a much more interesting person to center a religion around than jesus. No I don’t have any backup for that lofty claim except that he’s fat and has low hanging ears from hanging too much jewelry in those mofos and plus he was like “be mellow” which is much more therapeutic in my mind at least to “follow me or you will burn in hell.” Although I don’t think jesus necessarily said that, I think it’s more these kookenheimers that are quite zealous about telling you about him, like those guys with their guitar and sign saying “if the world ended tonite would you go to heaven?” standing outside DFS in Waikiki when I’m just trying to look at the fishies and mini sharks and tourists and the bedlam and not trying to wonder if I’m going to hell or heaven or whut. But sheeeiiittt, if I’m going to hell just gimme a fukn bottle of sun tan lotion and a fukn fan or some shit and like some sunglasses and I’ll be straight. And if Lucifer tries to take that shit away and make me work in the slag mines or whatever the fuk you do, I’ll be like hell no, torture my ass, go for it punk, I’ll be like, starting a union in that bitch, drive satan out, and take over lock stock and barrel & be like the new jimmy Hoffa in hades. And if jimmy Hoffa, the real one, is down there too, I’ll make him my second in charge. He’ll be the one that will take over on those days where I’m feeling sick or if I have jury duty or some shit like that.

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