Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Not sure how much time/energy I have, so this is gonna be pretty all over the place, and picking and plucking from a variety of sources with way better information slash writing skills slash brainpower slash will to live than I currently hold. OK, maybe I have just as much if not more will to live (I’m like a wiley ? sand crab) but I’ll put my lack of knowledge up there with the best. Again, question mark, and accept a certain degree of haphazard self deprecation. I know I’m the shit. Read that as you will. In fact, just keep moving, seriously, it gets better (yippety), promise, mainly because of innernet liftage.

You know the rules, everything in italics below is other parties' brilliant words, everything in plain type is my own baldfaced pseudo wisdom. Enjoy.

Kickin off the jams, er, chapter one to my sad semblance of a prelude, big thanks to dallas for putting up such a valiant effort against the Warriors last night. Gratzi as well for plunging that rusty screwdriver into my stomach.

From clipper steve at clips nation:

Avery Johnson will definitely NOT be receiving a Christmas card from ClipsNation this year. You know, I have seen teams intentionally try to avoid winning when it directly benefited them, as with the Clipper/Grizzlie tank-fest last season. I've seen teams rest their stars in games where the outcome did not matter to anyone in the league. But I can't recall a more egregious example of a team losing a game where the outcome so directly affected a third team. I mean, don't you have an obligation to the league as a whole to make SOME effort?

Karma, of course, is a bitch. And so, evidently, is Avery Johnson. At any rate, Dallas' disrespectful actions may come back to bite them in the playoffs. If the Warriors get past Portland tomorrow night, they absolutely deserve to lose to the Dubs in the first round - the fact that they've now lost 5 straight to the Warriors indicates that karma will have the weapons it needs...

...As for the Clippers-Suns, we remember these kinds of games. We saw a bunch of them last season. Clippers win the battle of the boards 49-37 (including 20 offensive rebounds), Clippers win the game. It's pretty much that simple.
The Suns missed some shots - they're only beatable when they do. The Clippers played good enough defense and hustled, but still, the Suns are capable of making a lot of the shots they missed tonight. They're too good on offense, with lots of weapons and imaginative schemes - they're always going to get looks. If they make them, they win. If they miss some, you have a chance.

Not that we really have a right to bitch about any of this. A win against a PIECE OF SHIT sacramento semblance of a squad on Sunday, and we don’t have to even worry about what the hell the warriors are doing. As the effervescent clipperblog much more illuminatingly (than I ever could) elucidates:

MSM sports reporters like to remind the public that they have unique access to players and coaches. This privilege can present a dimension that a guy sitting at home just doesn’t have. Whereas the blogger can offer analysis and opinion, reporters are able to hear Mike Dunleavy say something like this:

"From what I'm hearing, Dallas didn't play their guys," Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy said. "Obviously Phoenix played their guys, so it tells you they (the Mavericks) probably prefer to play Golden State than us. That's what it comes down to."

I know that coaches and players are no more honest in front of the microphone than are Ari Fleischer or Tony Snow, so I’m reluctant to invest too much into what they say in their postgame comments, but Dunleavy is priceless. Do you really believe that, Coach? Do you really believe that [a] Dallas doesn’t believe that they can grind either team into kibbeh nayyeh or [b] faced with a choice, and given that the Warriors have molded themselves into a confident, inexhaustible, coherent group of guys that clearly love to play basketball, that they wouldn’t rather see the Clippers?

I guess Dunleavy has a point. After all, how would Dallas ever prepare for a team that has used 24 starting lineups, a team that has shown all the intensity of Peter Gibbons after he decides to defy Lumbergh?

Aha. An office space reference. Me likey. Anyway, that basically says it all about that. Dunleavy’s high on crack if he thinks Dallas would rather play the clips, and enjoying visages of mushroom perched caterpillars via the mescaline if he think Avery wants his squad worrying about which chump change outfit they’re playing in the first round in any event. Johnson, & you can’t blame him, wants his guys thinking “fuck the last couple games of the regular season, we’re the fucking DALLAS MAVERICKS! We SHIT bigger than Elton brand or Baron Davis. they are to us as david is to goliath. Wait, scratch that, new speech.” Eh, you get the drift, or not. Either way, I get paid (wait a second. Goddammit.)

Speaking of (not that I was, nice segue, Keith, really, excellent work) people that really actually do get paid to write crap like this (only much much better and with, like, uh, thought and non runon sentences involved, and lists, and uh, millions of readers, and paid advertisers, but besides that, I rule! He said in self flagellation). Where was I? Oh yeah, Bill Simmons put together part 2 of his MVP list, and overall an entertaining read, but I have to ding him for an egregious copout at the #1 spot. I mean, eh, yeah, egregious, gotta ding, yep.

Getting to the heart of the matter, that’s me, john cougar, er, peter Gabriel, eh, I know it’s neither. Anyway. Third, 4th, whatever off, gotta give the crew (ie our beloved clippers) a modicum of props for the win in Phoenix last night. Also, after mildly ridiculing by proxy Tim Thomas, he came out with a nice line last night, 18 points, 8 boards I believe, with some huge threes. Yeah, it’s a bit too little too late scenario, but I believe if by some miracle the fates align and we DO move on, this is the TT we’ll see moving forward, at least this season. The guy shows up for the big games. The only problem being, if no one shows up for the small games, you don’t GET to the big games. Anyway, that’s been sufficiently ground into the ground, uh, ground beef style.

Moving on. Tonight. Ok, you all know how this works, theoretically. Tonight are the two biggest games of the year, the only games left that matter, to determine if the clips stay alive. Clips have to win at home against NOOCH and Golden State has to lose up in Portland. The big stretch is the Warriors falling to the Trailblazers, because if last week’s clippers game in Oregon was any indication, that’s one of the easiest w's in the league right now. BUT the clips were on a roll at that point, coming immediately off of the huge win against the lakers, BUT don’t forget the warriors are on a monster roll of their own right now. By the way, is Roy even playing? I know he missed a few games with a ruptured labia (I jest). Digging &, aha, Golden state of mind answers my question:

Brandon Roy, Zack Randolph, LaMarcus Aldridge, Joel Przybilla, and Darius Miles (remember him?) will all be in street clothes tomorrow evening, some at the Rose Garden and others- well, who knows where?

and, oh yes, we remember Darius Miles. That’s OK, he can stay on the bench. Zack, Brandon, Bueller? Anyone? Anyone got anything to throw towards the cause? (shit.)

Anyway, in regards to the actual clippers game tonite, hornets 247 pontificates:

Warriors-Blazers tips at 9pm Central, while Hornets-Clips gets underway a half hour later. If the Warriors do somehow lose to the Blazers, the fourth quarter of our game could be mighty interesting. Maybe Byron Scott will pull the starters and fuck up Baron Davis' Playoff dream.

We could only, but yes, possibly, be so lucky. I’ve thinking about this all night, all day, and during quality john time usually spent reading the wheel of time, what is my reaction going to be if, around 4th quarter of a tight game, and Ralph or Mike announce via my tivo that the Warriors just won? Do I just turn that shit off? Do I continue to watch? If I’m still watching do I cheer for a win or start throwing tomatoes at the screen? What do the clippers do, what does dunleavy do? Is the score going to be announced at staples, especially if it’s bad news? I am thoroughly confused. I have a sinking feeling that I will just sit and watch and cry and likely soil myself. But with pride. But if golden state loses? Wow, that 4th quarter becomes the most watchable bit of ball for the whole year, and then if the clips lose, then, well, the real soilage begins. Ok, the tangent police called, and, well, I’ve been reprimanded away from the keyboard. Go clips.


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