Jesus I’m so fukn touchy lately.

The old fart at the office told me to fax some dogshit ass thing to somebody, and I faxed it to the insurance people instead of the accounting people by mistake and he’s like “hello! Hello!” coming in my office, “hello! Hello! This goes to bitch #1, not bitch #2!” well excuse the FUCK out of me you old FUCKBAG.

So I’m like “oh well I guess I’m a fukn idiot!” and I said fukn. I did. Yes. Fuck him.

Fuck fuk fark fuk fuck.

Cuff! Backwards fuck.

I have been reading trueboy like some kind of deranged lunatic the last three days. Not just the current shit, I mean, I started at the beginning and am up into November now. And their archives are fucked up, so I’m such a blogger dork, that I know how to type in the dates on the url to access those hidden files. Gyeah! So I’m gonna read every last word and then do some kind of fukn book report on it or something. Or maybe I’ll never mention it again until on my deathbed I’ll say “trueboy dot blogspot dot com, chiggedy check it,” and then I’ll fukn die and a little dribble of slobber will be coming out of the side of my mouth all fucked up looking.

No I don’t see that happening. By then I’ll have forgotten all about bloggerville and will be more concerned that I get my fukn medication. “get me my goddamm pills you stupid fukn jackasses!!” waiting for the next round of “Let’s make a deal” reruns on the plasma screen 20 foot hologram projection wired directly into my skull to bring hummingbirds and mickey mouse good times.

If I am an old man and I’m telling everybody and his brother about every worthless piece of crap moment of my entire laugh and then not even listening to anyone else for more than half a second because I’m a self-absorbed fukn fake ass prick fuck then please walk to your nearest firearms dealer and shoot me in the goddamm fukn head.

I can’t post this shit on my site. Fuck.

Maybe put it on blogcritics? Shit Eric is sending me e-mail every other day pimping it out. Ok here goes. Wrote a song about it, wanna hear it, here goes. This’ll give the hawks and doves something to laugh at in between reading hard-hitting reports on the war.

Oh and as for the war, uh, forget it. check the files for my opinion. Eace-pay. And dammit I didn’t say pig latin peace because I’m for peace, I’m for war dammitt. Bloody fucked up war that will result in peace in the land and lots of people loving each other. Yeah that’s the ticket. Damn I am writing a check my ass can’t cash today aren’t I? Oh fucking well. Sue me. Sue Alfred pennyworth enterprises and the kool keith express, I just don’t give a FUCK today.

Odelay.

And fuck ME for trying to sound like such a badass on that last paragraph. (are you sure you don’t just give a FUCK today? Capital letters style? Fukn clown. Step to the back and collect your punk ass welfare like a little beyatch.)