Thursday, November 03, 2005

Clippers win. Oh my faithful, my betrayers, my nonchalant squad of flocking seagulls. Those two words, in that order, more a statement than a plea, something that occurred, not of what you wish may come to be in a fit of pique vis a vis the higher order’s whim of happenstance. If there was a way I could do opposite of a depressed sigh, a happy sigh, a breath of not relief, but of satisfied satisfaction, well, it would be present.

Let’s just say that the sam cassell experiment, is, at this early juncture, an unqualified success. One of the biggest problems with this team last year was that they would play other squads, good squads, down to the wire, and then have no one to take the final shot. No money player in the clutch to create his own shot, not even a catch and shoot artist who you really banked on hitting that crucial last salvo. Maggette, yeah, maybe, but it’s not really in his blood. He gives you forty good minutes a night, gets to the line, but with the game up for grabs, eh. And he was our only option. Don’t even get me started on rick Brunson.

Now we’ve got cassell, a certified final seconds stud. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten those half court heaves he’d routinely throw up on those championship rocket squads. And, gods be praised, he’s in the final year of his contract, pissed off, and playing for his last big pay day. All for the clips. He knows if he can drag this team to the playoffs this year, and, jesus forbid, get them into the second round, he can name his price next year. Well, not name it, but at least set up a nice ballpark to start throwing around numbers in.

35 points 11 assists in game one of the brand new season. On the road. In seattle, a team that looks pretty good this year themselves. I won’t even go into yet my frustrations personally vis a vis my tv watching issues and dish network’s refusal to provide fox sports 2 and the whole fox sports blackout fiasco of 2005, cuz I’m too stoked on this win and I know I’ll get to watch the next on on Friday whether or not it’s on tape delay of my own creation, and, shit, I’m busting jerry, I’m busting.

"Like I've been saying the whole training camp, this is not going to be the old Clippers from the past," said Cassell. "We've got a lot of intangibles and we're going to play hard for 48 minutes, and the game went our way today."


The classicest thing written about the clips so far this young season, though, is care of the sports guy in the 2nd part of his NBA preview, and it’s on the subject of the clips’ starting center, Chris Kaman (pictured). Quoting Bill Simmons (in italics):

The Hulkster, Chris Kaman

In one of the craziest developments in the history of the league, Chris Kaman apparently bought Hulk Hogan's hair from Wrestlemania V on eBay -- long blonde strands, receding hairline, bald spot in the back -- basically everything that ultimately convinced the Hulkster to start wearing that yellow bandanna 24/7 in the late-80s.

So that got me thinking ...

If Kaman is going to play the 2005-06 season with Hulk Hogan's hair, then why can't the Clippers take it a couple of steps further? Why not have Kaman grow Hogan's semi-circle mustache as well? Why not have him start calling his fans the "Kamaniacs" and saying things in TV interviews like, "Whatcha gonna do when Kamania runs wild on you?" Why not have him wear a yellow-and-red "Kamania!" T-shirt that he could rip off during the pregame introductions? Imagine the Clippers introducing their first four starters, followed by a couple of seconds of silence, and then "I Am a Real American" could start playing, and Kaman could emerge from the tunnel flexing and pointing to everyone as the crowd goes bonkers?

(Or ... maybe not.)


Ah, to mix sporting pleasure and high comedy, along with a team with actual chance to win? ooh la la. I'm waiting for Don Sterling to jump onto the court with a machine gun and beads of poisonous sweat dripping from his dome, complaining of a kidnapping and clone impersonation that signed these (according to him) ridiculous salaries and dared to assemble a possibly winning squad. But no, don't impart such ideas into the heads of wee babes. In closing, to say I’m stoked on the clippers right now would be a slight understatement like saying that joe pesci was a little concerned about his order at the drive through in lethal weapon 3. aloha.

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